


Cognitive Dissonance and Moments of Clarity

by sensiblysilly



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Cursed Child - Thorne & Rowling
Genre: Fix-It, Friends to Lovers, Harry Potter and the Cursed Child Spoilers, M/M, Post-Canon, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-15
Updated: 2016-08-15
Packaged: 2018-08-08 20:16:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7771678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sensiblysilly/pseuds/sensiblysilly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Scorpius was starting to realize that the idea of wanting a girl - a popular, impressive, and society approved girl – to like you, and well, actually in fact liking a girl were two very different things.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cognitive Dissonance and Moments of Clarity

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is my attempt at a Cursed Child fix-it fic. Both with Scorpius and Albus's relationship, and with Rose. I mean, obviously those two muffins are meant for each other, but I also felt like Rose had some room to mature and improve as a character, so I tried to include that.
> 
> Find me on tumblr at [sensiblysilly](https://sensiblysilly.tumblr.com)!

 

The night before - or more specifically the earlier morning of - the Slytherin house’s quidditch team try-outs Scorpius Malfoy woke up with a start, sitting up straight in bed and gasped loudly. The cool air from the night filled his lungs almost painfully as he breathed heavily, letting the speed of his heart stutter back to something close to normal and the beads of sweat start to cool on his forehead. As his eyes adjusted to the dark dorm room he looked around him, relieved to see that none of his dorm-mates seemed to have woken because of his outburst. Now would not have been the best time to fend off questions and explain away his strange behaviour.

 

Because Scorpius had just woken from a very, very strange dream. Not a nightmare exactly, but not exactly what he would consider a pleasant experience. Or at least, he wasn’t sure if that’s how he would classify it. It was unusual, to say the least. It had started innocently enough, his dream that was.

 

He had been dreaming of a common enough scene. One where he was joking around with his best friend and housemate, Albus Potter. Scorpius remembered similar times they had been doing the exact same thing in real life, right there on his bed, even. And as they had been sitting and laughing together at something one of them had said, they had started playfully wrestling. A less usual action, especially now that they were upperclassmen, but not completely unexpected. What hadn’t been common or expected however, was what had happened next.

 

Because, in his dream, Scorpius - after wrestling Albus underneath him - pinning his arms above his head, had bent down and started kissing his best friend. Right there, on the mouth. And it had felt, really…

 

Nice.

 

And that was the moment of realization which had Scorpius sitting up straight in bed, eyes wide, chest heaving and completely and utterly shocked.

 

You see, because dreams like that one, where he had been in the middle of snogging his best mate, and _enjoying it_ , weren’t exactly normal for him. Scorpius had never really thought about Albus that way, had never really thought about _anyone_ that way.

 

Sure, he’d thought about dating. Like going on dates, to maybe Hogsmeade or something – that’s what his classmates usually did, after all – or holding hands in the corridors of Hogwarts, being the envy of all his peers when they saw him with his one special other, of course. But he had never really thought about the other stuff, the more intimate stuff. Not really anyways, until that dream.

 

And it’s not as if he hadn’t thought about someone to go on all those dates with. He had, he totally had. Rose Granger-Weasley. She was perfect in every way. She was pretty, with her dark hair and eyes. And quick-witted, she was the only real competition he had academically in his year. And everyone liked her. How could they not? She was _Rose Granger-Weasley_. Her parents had helped lead Dumbledore’s Army during the war. They were celebrities, heroes.

 

She would have been a perfect match for him, he had reasoned. Except that she didn’t return his interest. But that was fine. Because Scorpius had resolve, and he was persistent, too. He’d wear down her cold exterior eventually. I mean, sure, he hadn’t yet…. But he would. Eventually.

 

So then why had his heart beaten so thunderously against his ribcage when he even thought about the idea of kissing his best mate?

 

It must just be nerves, reasoned Scorpius. Tomorrow was a big day for him after all. He was going out for seeker of his house team. And he hadn’t always had the best tract record with quidditch. He hadn’t originally been very good at it at all. Of course, that was before his growth spurt. In the summer he had grown almost a half-foot taller and filled out a lot more. With that he seemed to also gain athletic abilities, like hand-to-eye coordination for one. He’d also been practicing, every day, every chance he got. And, being the researcher he was, had read up on everything there was to know about the sport. His copy of _Quidditch Through the Ages_ had been read so many times the spine was starting to wear down.

 

And yet even so, he was still quite nervous. His try-outs, that had to be the reason for that odd dream, he reasoned. It was the only thing that made sense. So he did his best to put it out of his mind, and eventually fell back asleep.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Luckily, Scorpius was able to concentrate enough on his flying to nail his try-outs the next day. He was successfully named the new seeker of the team! As he dismounted from his broom at the edge of the field, lightheaded and excited, he was greeted by a group of other housemates, who had all gathered to watch the try-outs. He received a few smiles, some back slaps, in recognition of his new position on the team as he made his way through the group back towards the castle. Funny, he thought to himself, how much more amicable people were towards him now that those rumors of his parental lineage were fully de-bunked.

 

“Scorpius!” He heard someone call from behind him as he passed them, and turned around to find Albus burst through the crowd of people to run up to him and give him a big, congratulatory hug. Albus’s arms wrapped around his waist, squeezing tightly. Scorpius could feel his friends excited heartbeat echoing his own.

 

He paused, suddenly remembering the kiss from his dream. His palms started to sweat and his cheeks heated, breath becoming more shallow. But he had resolved to not think about that weird little event anymore, and so he tried (unsuccessfully) to shake the feelings of nervousness from his system, and slipped his arms around his friend.

 

“Congrats, Scorp! Great flying out there!” He gushed, eyes bright as he looked up as Scorpius.

“You were watching?” Asked Scorpius, quite surprised. Albus didn’t care for quidditch. He suddenly felt very hot, thinking about Albus watching him the entire time. What had he done? Why couldn’t he remember now? Had he embarrassed himself at all? Why was he suddenly so concerned about embarrassing himself in front of his best friend, it’s not as if Albus would have judged him, right?

 

“Of course.” Laughed Albus, showing his white teeth. “I’m your best friend. Of course I’d be here to cheer you on.” He smiled and something in Scorpius’s stomach gave a little flutter.

 

“C’mon now, let’s go get some dinner.” He said, letting go of Scorpius and stepping out of his embrace. As they walked towards the Great Hall Scorpius became extremely aware of the empty space around him, his arms missing the feeling of his friend in them.

 

* * *

 

 

These thoughts continued to plague Scorpius. A week or so later, during a study period in the Great Hall, Albus’s foot had brushed against Scorpius’s under the table, and sent electric shocks up and down his leg for the rest of the hour. What was this all about? He asked himself.

 

Why were these sort of feelings coming over him, and why only when he was around, or thinking about Albus?

 

Scorpius was smart, yes, and he deduced a certain amount of it himself. He knew these signs showed some sort of attraction. Just the thought of his bright green eyes made his stomach swoop pleasantly, the image of his un-kept dark hair making Scorpius’s fingers itch to run through it. But what did _that_ mean? That he was attracted to Albus? But that didn’t make sense. He was meant for Rose… That had been decided. Right?

 

Except Scorpius was starting to realize that the idea of wanting a girl - a popular, impressive, and society approved girl – to like you, and well, actually in fact liking a girl were two very different things.

 

Because he definitely did not feel the same about Rose as he did for Albus. He didn’t really feel anything like that for her at all. He was starting to figure out that all those fantasies he had had of him and Rose, they were just that, fantasies. They weren’t a want or a desire. Just something nice to admire, from a distance. Untouchable. Meanwhile, Albus was everywhere it seemed, always tactile, close, approachable. And he wanted to, Scorpius realized.

 

Did that mean he fancied him? That he _liked_ Albus, in _that_ way? He wasn’t sure. How did one know when they were in love? He wondered to himself. How was he supposed to know? He didn’t really have anyone to ask. He didn’t have many friends, only Albus…

 

“Psst. Hey, Albus.” Whispered Scorpius, sneaking a glance away from the textbook in front of him to glance at his best friend across the great table from him. Albus looked up as well, green eyes meeting Scorpius’s.

 

“What?” He whispered back.

 

“You, uh. Have you, uh, fancied anyone lately?” He asked, stumbling slightly over his words, embarrassed. Albus’s easygoing stature straightened into a surprised and defensive one in an instant. Scorpius was taken aback by his mate’s reaction.

 

“What? No. Who told you?” He answered, back stiff, eyes wide. As he sputtered, the tips of his ears were slowly turning a bright shade of red. Scorpius just blinked back at him, unsure of the turn this conversation had taken. Opening his mouth to respond, but got shushed by the professor in charge of their study hall that day. He bit his lip and went back to staring blankly at the text in front of him.

 

After what felt like an eternity, they were finally let out from classes for the day. Scorpius and Albus headed back to their dormitory through the halls, side by side, walking closely, hands and arms brushing ever so slightly.

 

“Why were you asking about if I fancied anyone earlier?” Asked Albus, looking anywhere by at Scorpius.

 

“Oh. I just, I’m kind of confused. About if I like someone or not.” Stuttered Scorpius, his fingers twitching in want to catch onto Albus’s hand every time it brushed against his.

 

“You mean Rose?” Albus added, finally looking back up at his friend. His green eye’s searching.

 

“No. Actually, I kind of figured out I don’t really like her. Not that way anyways. She’s a great person. And super smart and popular. I just don’t think I like her the way a boyfriend would.” Scorpius explained, eyeing his friend.

 

“Oh.” Said Albus, his expressions schooled. Scorpius wondered what his friend thought of his confession. The idea making his palms sweaty.

 

“So, what about you?” Pressed Scorpius. “Do you like anyone?”

 

“Oh, uh.” Started Albus. And even though Scorpius really wanted to hear his answer, he was also scared to hear what he had to say. What if he said he did like someone else? What was Scorpius supposed to do then? So instead of waiting to hear what Albus had to stay, Scorpius interrupted, cracked a joke. Saved his heart one more day at the least.

 

“Of course, none of our classmates would be old enough for your tastes, eh?” He jibbed, straining a smile on his lips. Albus just smiled tightly back before letting out a somewhat stiff laugh and playfully slapping Scorpius on the arm with his textbook.

 

* * *

 

 

“So, I hear you’re no longer infatuated with me.” Said Rose, as she came over and sat in front of Scorpius as he ate an early breakfast. He was alone at the Slytherin table today, Albus still sleeping soundly in their dormitory, as Scorpius had quidditch practice early in the morning before classes where scheduled to start. Scorpius did a surprised spit-take of his pumpkin juice. This had to be the first time in all their years at Hogwarts that Rose had been the first to initiate a conversation with him, let alone come anywhere near Slytherin’s table in the Great Hall.

 

“Yeah. Sorry about all that. Asking you out so many times. Kind of made an arse of myself, didn’t I?” Answered Scorpius, watching Rose cautiously.

 

“A bit. But it’s okay. Sorry I was so harsh rejecting you.” She responded, giving him a small nod before digging into the plate of breakfast foods in front of her. “So, I’m assuming there was a reason for your revelation.”

 

“Oh. Well, I guess I just realized I was more in love with the idea of being with you, than well, you.” He explained. “I felt like I was supposed to like you, if that makes sense? I don’t mean any offense by this.” Expecting her to huff and run off at his slight, Scorpius was surprised to see Rose just nod in understanding.

 

“I figured as much.” She said in agreement, and then smiled. “But now that you’ve figured all that out, I think we can probably be friends.” And again, Scorpius did a spit-take of his pumpkin juice.

 

“What? But you… You hate me!” He knew his jaw has fallen open at this point. Rose huffed, crossing her arms in front of her chest and raised her chin up superiorly.

 

“You’re not the only one allowed to mature and self-actualize, Scorpius Malfoy.” She says. And after a moment she melted slightly, only slightly. But enough for Scorpius to maybe believe her.

 

“Okay, then.” He agreed. They ate quietly for a few moments, in an almost amicable silence.

 

“So,” Rose started. “What exactly made you realize this change of heart, so to speak?” At that, the image of Albus’s lips on his flashed back through Scorpius’s mind. He cleared his throat, suddenly feeling hoarse.

 

“I started having feelings, romantic feelings, real ones, for someone else.” He poorly explained, all the while feeling the colors of his cheeks rising in embarrassment. Rose has a knowing look in her eyes.

 

“Are they returned?” She asked simply.

 

“Well,” Started Scorpius, before stopping. He thought of Albus. Thought of them hugging, how they both always seemed to linger too long when touching. But then he thought of Delphi, and how Albus used to look at her with such admiration. And with a sinking feeling in his gut, realized Albus never looked at him that way. Not exactly, anyways. A spark of long forgotten jealousy ignited in his gut. “I don’t… Really know.” He finished lamely.

 

“Well, there is a way to find out, isn’t there?” Pressed Rose, eyebrows raised and a smirk growing on her face. Scorpius just blinked back, unsure how to proceed. She huffed in frustration at his obliviousness. “You know, maybe scientifically?”

 

“Scientifically?” He parroted back, unsure of the word. It’s not one he’s heard before.

 

“It’s a muggle term.” Explained Rose. “Scientist. It’s the job title for people who study the pursuit of knowledge. They do it by creating a hypothesis – a possibility – and then they test it, experimentally.” The meaning of her words lost on him for a second, Scorpius stares back unsurely, before realizing her connotation.

 

“You think I should _experiment_?” Questioned Scorpius, the implication heavy in his wording, his mouth gaping. Rose nodded, seemingly relieved he finally understood her suggestion.

 

Scorpius thinks about that… About experimenting with Albus. He imagines going up to him, kissing him, admitting his feelings. But what if Albus doesn’t feel the same way? It could ruin their relationship. Or what if he does, but once Scorpius actually kisses Albus, he realizes that’s not actually what he wants? He could hurt Albus.

 

He might not know a lot, but Scorpius knows he doesn’t want to hurt Albus.

 

“I don’t know if I can do that.” He explained. “I don’t want to hurt anyone.”

 

“Well,” Says Rose. “I wouldn’t worry too much about that. I’m sure _whoever_ you’re so keen on might be in need of some experimenting too.” Is all she says, before sliding off the bench, now done with her meal, and heading off.

 

* * *

 

 

A few days later, on a chilly autumn morning, Scorpius found himself in the owlery. After mailing his letter, he tightened his Slytherin house colored scarf around his neck, and berated himself for the millionth time for forgetting his gloves back in the dormitory, as his hands were freezing. Turning around to head back towards the entrance, he bumped right into another person.

 

“Oh, gosh! Sorry!” Cried out Scorpius, his hands flying out to catch the other person’s shoulders and steady them on their feet. Looking up from his hands, his eyes met a set of irresistible green eyes. “Albus, what’re you doing here?”

 

He was answered with the wave of a folded up letter, covered with a messy scrawl Scorpius was only too familiar with. “Just sending Mum and Dad an update on how the year’s going.” Albus answered. And Scorpius felt like an idiot. Of course that was why his friend was in the owlery. Why else would he be there? Why did his best mate’s presence seem to always make his brain turn to mush and make him say something embarrassing?

 

“Right. Right, of course.” Nodded Scorpius. “Me too. Sent a letter to my Dad, I mean.” He continued, somehow unable to just stop his mouth from babbling on. “Not your Mum and Dad, obviously. That would be weird. For me to write them, I mean.” Albus just eyed him, with a slight glimmer of humor in his lopsided grin, and let him tapper off into an awkward silence.

 

“You okay, Scorp?” He asked, his voice teasing.

 

“What? Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?” Blanched Scorpius. Albus just continued to watch him, his gaze turning more curious and less humorous as their conversation continued, a frown taking over his mouth.

 

“Well, I don’t know, now do I? That’s why I asked.” Albus said, huffing, the crisp air making his breath visible. “It just feels like you’ve been avoiding me lately, is all. And after everything we went through last year together… I don’t know, I’m just a little worried is all. You aren’t cross with me about something, are you?” His voice wavered slightly at the end, letting on to his nervousness. Scorpius’s stomach swooped uncomfortably at the thought of unintentionally making his friend worry.

 

“No, Albus, of course not! I promise. It’s just me. I’m dealing with some stuff, realizations and the lot. It’s making me a flake, I’m sorry, that’s not fair to you.” Scorpius attempted to explain, tightening his grip on Albus’s shoulders slightly to get his point across. Albus’s frown still remained in place, however, his eyes clouded in concern now.

 

“You know, Scorp, you can talk to me about that kind of stuff, whatever’s on your mind. You don’t have to hide away and deal with everything alone.” Added Albus, his voice suddenly a lot quieter, causing Scorpius to lean in to hear him better.

 

“I know. I just don’t want to bother you, is all.” Replied Scorpius, his voice quieting to match his friend’s. They were so close now that his breath ghosted across Albus’s cheek. “You wouldn’t be bothering me. I’m your best friend.” Emphasized Albus, his eyes sliding down from Scorpius’s grey ones to his chapped lips. “I _want_ to help.”

 

“Right.” Answered Scorpius, his tongue darting out to lick his lips absentmindedly.

 

And one second they were standing there - albeit rather close - watching each other, and the next, Albus had surged forward, tentatively, grasped Scorpius’s head in his hands and planted a sloppy kiss right on his mouth. Scorpius remained still, frozen in shock, but after recovering quickly, tilted his head to the side, sliding his mouth open and deepened the kiss.

 

It was a clumsy attempt, their noses bumping lightly, teeth biting and lips smacking loudly. And yet, Scorpius didn’t think he’d ever experienced anything better before in his life. Breathless, he pulled back, slow enough to not dislodge Albus’s grip on his face, and leaned his forehead against the other boy’s.

 

“Okay, two points:” Whispered Scorpius after catching his breath. “One, that was something.”

 

“Something good or bad?” Interrupted Albus, his eyes wide, breath short.

 

“Good.” Answered Scorpius. “Really, really, quite good.” He emphasized, a smile growing on his lips. Albus’s expression mirrored his own, hopeful, excited. The other boy nodded in agreement.

 

“The second point?” He prompted, making Scorpius startle. He wracked his brain, but couldn’t for the life of himself remember what his second point had been. Everything but the feel of Albus’s lips on his was a foggy memory. The heat from the other boy’s body a sharp contrast with the bitter cold of the wind outside.

 

“I don’t remember.” He answered sheepishly, a blush heating his cheeks. Albus laughed at that, his smile wide, eyes bright.

 

“That’s okay. I’m inclined to forgive you.” Teased Albus. “On one condition.”

 

“Anything.” Responded Scorpius, without thought. His answer making Albus smile shyly.

 

“Let me mail this letter, and then come back to the dormitory with me to practice, um, what we were just doing.” Scorpius’s smile widened, his head nodding in eager agreement. This was definitely a plan he could support.

 

* * *

 

 

“So, what made you realize that you liked me, like _that_ , I mean?” Asked Scorpius. The two boys were sitting together on his bed in the dormitory, side by side, thighs slightly touching. The heat from Albus’s leg made Scorpius’s skin buzz and his hands feel clammy. Albus looked over at him with a teasing smirk on his lips.

 

“What on earth do you mean by that?” He asked, raising one dark eyebrow playfully in Scorpius’s direction.

 

“Well, for me anyways. I just always had this urge to be around you. And then when I was around you, I’d always start to feel all hot and bothered, and super aware of you and what you were doing. And I always wanted to touch you, right?” – Albus snickers cutting him off. – “Not like _that_! Not that I’m against that! I just meant, well, I just meant I always wanted to be with you, is all.” Scorpius explained quickly, his cheeks heating up in embarrassment of his emotional confession.

 

He dropped his eyes to their legs, side by side and nudged Albus’s. “Just kind of like this.” He added, looking up and smiling at his friend. Albus’s green eyes were piercing as they observed him. Scorpius felt them rake over him, taking in his messy fringe, his rosy cheeks and his nervously twitching fingers.

 

“Well,” Said Albus, leaning in almost conspiratorially. “I mean, it’s quite obvious why I fancy you so much.” Scorpius felt his heart start to beat faster, his pulse quickening and his breath hitching in response. Awaiting his friend’s explanation.

 

“Pepper Imps, of course.” Said Albus.

 

“What?” Blurted out Scorpius, his mind blanking on what to make of that.

 

“You’ve got the best supply of sweets in all of Hogwarts. It was a very advantageous relationship for me.” Elaborated Albus, and as he did he winked at Scorpius and started to laugh. And then realization hit Scorpius and he cracked a smile too and joined in.

 

“Oh, you can an arse sometimes, Albus.” Complained Scorpius. But he smiled as he said it, his eyes meeting Albus’s before he pounced, wrestling the other boy under him on the bed. He pinned Albus’s arms above his head, out of reach, and smiled down sweetly at him, pleased with his quick act of revenge. Albus just laughed.

 

“I mean c’mon Scorp, how could I have resisted you?” He added, his voice barely above a whisper, eyes darkening with seriousness. They were close, their lips almost touching. Scorpius could feel Albus’s long eyelashes against his cheek when the other boy blinked beneath him, the ghost of his breath against his skin.

 

And so Scorpius leaned down, his lips meeting Albus’s, and kissed him slowly. And it felt more than just nice. It felt like something a lot more important. Their breath mixing, palms touching, and Scorpius had to agree with Albus. He didn’t know how either of them could have resisted each other neither.


End file.
